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tushar

“I just got back from Niko’s with my ‘usual’ - italian beef with jus and hot peppers, one dog with everything, cheese fries and a cherry coke. I will slowly devour this over the next few hours like a skinny brown python. Anyway my hands are about to get greasy so I’m gonna stop texting. Just give me a call later if you wanna hang out. Skinny brown python also describes how this food will exit me”

elliot

The Sex-Horney Man ponderes to himslef……. Hmmm.. I wnat a femail to do a touch on my ween………” Hes phelosophy changes the world some day.

Reblogged from weebstories

doubtfiring on all cylinders

choice texts from cameron

- Your mother was right about you- you’re an infuriating cocksucker.

- You’re nothing but a candy-striper with legs as long as Kareem Abdul-Jabar’s pajama bottoms.

- You could be my black Kate Moss tonight.

- How are things, my thrice-cursed little mountebank?

- You know what? You’re just portions for foxes.

i think everything he sends me are quotes bc i only know about a third of them

dozens

ros: yo momma so toothsome she has three rows of teeth

alex: yo momma so beloved by dolphins they intentionally wreck her ship to be near her

ros: yo momma so wise the dalai lama asks her for advice

alex: yo momma so good at disguises there is no dalai lama

ros: yo momma so elegant the moebius strip was almost named after her. however, as she is as humble as she is elegant, she suggested another name for it

max: yo momma so tall and thin she moved to california and started a boutique called L.A. Gaunt to meet the needs of people like her

ros: yeah i.. i didnt… i couldnt come up with anything better. L.A. Gaunt. fucking supreme. anytime i tried to think of another momma joke, that would pop into my head and that’s it. i would be done. too funny!

please wth

please wth

<me> sartre was wrong, hell is mscdirect
<Ray> Psh. I had to process all of those MSC and J&L pages.
<Ray> ALL OF THEM
<me> do your eyes look like sam neill’s at the end of event horizon
<Jason> first world problems
<Jason> here is your violin
<Ray> I get a violin out of this?
<Ray> I suppose that’s ok.
<me> hotspotting is definitely harder than living in somalia
<schvindt> nop it aint
<me> …
<Calvin> wait what, did you just compare hotspotting to living in somalia
<me> wow okay now the tally of people who thought i was serious is up to 2
<Javier> probably depends on the promo…
<Sandy> i think you were serious AND in the right
<me> lol

#ironic?